Road to Madness


Trapped in a web of thoughts

Trapped in a web of thoughts

In a world where information is all around us and everyone and their mothers are using Twitter, Facebook and the likes to communicate, why would my thoughts matter at all? Why put them out there in this oversaturated world? Why not keep them to myself?

Well, I don’t think this blog might actually appeal to a big audience or anyone at all. And I don’t expect it to become a success anyhow. Writing should give me a purpose. Ever since I was retired from my job I have struggled to find my place in life. My OCD hasn’t been helpful either. I forced myself into a daily routine to which I adhere to most of the time. It gives me the illusion of actually living a life and I didn’t question it until now.

But it is a shallow excistence and my brain slowly rots away. I need to get out of this trap and try to achieve some resemblance of living my life without the constraints of my OCD. And writing this blog in English instead of my native language German might fill the empty void.

Whether I will be able to fill this blog with anything worth talking about remains to be seen. Naming this blog after the album Train of Thought by Dream Theater is no coincidence either. On my daily walks with my dog Dexter I often come across interesting references of songs or albums while I actually think in english in my head. I also mumble to myself or Dexter in english during these walks. If anyone would observe this….they would think I am mad, which I am actually.

So maybe you join me again on my daily road to madness . See you soon 🙂

Autum is here

The Dark Passenger 2.0

No, I’m not another Dexter Morgan – although my german shepherd is named after him – but I do have a similar co-pilot who is steering myself and my life since my childhood days.
I only became aware of him in recent years, during a period of great stress at work, which in the end lead me to see a psychiatrist.
Turns out, my dark passenger is OCD and has been there all along. I named him „Ekel Alfred“ after an infamous german TV-series and whatever I do, I cannot shake him off.

On good days he lies dormant and I then barely notice him. But that doesn’t happen often. Mostly he is sitting right on my shoulder, whispering his commands and his judgements in my ear. He really needs no sleep and seems to feed from my energy instead, sucking me dry. Whatever I do or think, he is right there beside me, whatching my every move and judging the outcome of every decision I make.

Maybe writing about him and other things will help me in the long run. After nearly 4 years of retirement I feel the need to finally confront him by writing about my problems and every other thing, that comes to mind.
„Train of thought“ might be the correct title for this kind of blog. I really like the concept behind this term. Since it is mostly what I experience in my every day life….“Alfred“ makes me lose my train of thought on a regular basis, even if he is seeking to give order to my chaos. Care to join me on my quest? Much obliged 🙂